Introduction to the Debate
For much of the past century, children were taught to push through emotional discomfort. Feeling sad, anxious, or overwhelmed was often dismissed with a familiar refrain: smile, toughen up, move on. In recent years, however, schools have made a long-overdue correction. Social-emotional learning has been woven into classrooms, and mental health is discussed openly. Students are encouraged to name their feelings and ask for help.
The Shift in Perspective
Few educators or parents would argue that this shift has been anything but necessary. But some are beginning to ask whether the pendulum has swung too far. Samantha Jo Payne, a former teacher in southern Indiana, believes the answer may be yes. In a viral TikTok video, she argues that the growing use of mental health days is quietly changing how kids understand responsibility, attendance and resilience.
Concerns About Mental Health Days
In an interview, Payne, 26, said her concerns grew out of what she saw daily. She described eighth graders missing one or two days a week and struggling academically as a result. “There were times a student would be out sick, and when they returned, I’d say, ‘I hope you feel better,’ only to hear, ‘Oh, I’m fine. I just didn’t feel like coming, and my mom said I could stay home,’” Payne recalls. She said she also saw students stay home to avoid drama with friends or other social stressors. Framing everyday challenges as a reason to skip school, she argues, teaches avoidance instead of coping. “I feel like people are avoiding hard things,” Payne says, adding that not every stressful moment should be treated as a mental health crisis.
The Importance of Resilience
“School is their job,” Payne tells TODAY, “so you don’t have days where you just don’t get to come because you’re a little tired.’” Payne’s comments struck a nerve, quickly igniting a divided response online. "As an adult with an anxiety disorder, allowing students to successfully avoid whenever their anxiety is bad enough is SO HARMFUL for their mental health!" one viewer wrote. Another pushed back on Payne, writing, "I’m sorry but I don’t take advice on this from anyone who hasn’t also had to hospitalize their kid before. legitimate mental health struggles are scary, and we do what we can to balance priorities."
Expert Insights
Dr. Deborah Gilboa, a family physician and resilience expert, says the debate isn’t a choice between compassion and toughness — but parental judgment. “Sometimes kids genuinely need rest and recovery for mental distress,” Gilboa tells TODAY. “And sometimes what they need is to build perseverance and resilience by pushing through it.” Determining which response is appropriate, she says, is one of parenting’s harder calls, and one parents won’t always get right.
Preparing for the Future
Gilboa also frames the issue as one of preparation. School, she points out, is one of the first places children learn how to manage obligations, discomfort, and expectations. Helping young people learn when to rest and when to show up, is part of preparing them to function independently in the future. While Gilboa agrees with Payne’s broader warning about avoidance, she says one aspect of the video gave her pause. She worries that drawing a sharp distinction between physical illness and mental distress could be interpreted as minimizing mental health conditions.
Conclusion
The debate surrounding mental health days highlights the complexities of balancing compassion with the need to build resilience in children. As parents and educators navigate this issue, it is essential to consider the long-term implications of their decisions. By fostering open discussions about mental health and teaching children coping strategies, we can help them develop the tools they need to thrive in an increasingly challenging world.
FAQs
- Q: What is the main concern about mental health days?
A: The main concern is that taking too many mental health days may teach children avoidance rather than coping strategies and resilience. - Q: What do experts say about the issue?
A: Experts like Dr. Deborah Gilboa suggest that the decision to take a mental health day should be based on parental judgment, considering whether the child needs rest and recovery or needs to build perseverance. - Q: How can parents and educators address the issue?
A: Parents and educators can address the issue by having open discussions about mental health, teaching coping strategies, and helping children learn when to rest and when to show up, preparing them for independence.
