A New Kind of Dr. Spock for a New Generation of Parents
Every Generation Has Its Parent Whisperer
My mother and father had Benjamin Spock, the pediatrician who promoted the revolutionary idea that children should be cherished and held, not whipped or spanked. His landmark 1946 book, “The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care,” became one of the best-selling books of the 20th century.
A New Era of Parenting
When I became pregnant, I relied on “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel, which dominated the market for years after it was first published in 1984. I gather it’s since fallen into some disfavor for what a number of new parents see as an alarmist approach, leading detractors to call it “What to Freak Out About When You Are Expecting.”
The Rise of Data-Driven Parenting
After my daughter was born in 1992, I relied on T. Berry Brazelton, a deeply compassionate pediatrician whose “Touchpoints” books popularized new ways of thinking about children’s development. Every developmental leap, he wrote, is accompanied by a temporary regression.
The Parent Whisperer for the Digital Age
And now she is expecting her own child. Friends my age who have become grandparents tell me that things have changed. Their children generally take a more structured approach to mealtimes and bedtime, for example. And the parent whisperer for their generation of digital natives, raised with easy access to all human knowledge, is not a pediatrician, psychiatrist or physician of any kind.
Meet Emily Oster, the New Parent Whisperer
She is Emily Oster, a Brown University economist and mother of two whose books “Expecting Better,” “Cribsheet” and “The Family Firm” encourage parents to take a data-driven approach to decision-making. (Her popular website is ParentData.)
Data-Driven Decision Making
Armed with the best and most relevant information from high-quality studies, she argues, moms and dads can make their own decisions about subjects such as breast feeding, sleep training, toilet training and — perhaps her most controversial position — whether it’s OK to have an occasional glass of wine while pregnant, as she did. (I had two glasses of wine on the first night of the Los Angeles riots, when I was four months pregnant, and my daughter has degrees from UC Berkeley and Yale.)
A New Approach to Parenting
Oster outlines its risks and benefits. While some friends told me my concern about inflicting pain on an infant was ridiculous, Oster cites a 1997 study showing infants who experience pain during circumcision have stronger pain responses to their shots four to six months later. The data, in other words, confirmed my fears — although doctors now tend to recommend some sort of pain blocker for the procedure.
From Data to Decision
“I wanted to approach pregnancy in the way that I was accustomed to in the rest of my life, as a person who loves data,” Oster told me by phone Thursday. “I wrote ‘Expecting Better’ out of that frustration.”
Structuring Decision Making
After her first child was born, for example, she made decisions about the evening meal as an economist. Did it make more sense to cook from scratch, use a meal-prep service or get takeout? “How does the cost of these choices compare to meal planning and prepping on my own?” she writes. And what was the value of her time, or “opportunity cost,” as an economist would put it?
A New Kind of Parent Whisperer
“This economic approach to decision making,” she writes, “doesn’t make a choice for you, only tells you how to structure it.”
Conclusion
Dr. Karp once told me that becoming a parent for the first time is like standing on one side of a high brick wall: You can only imagine what is on the other side. “With a first child,” Oster writes, “most of us are prepared to be a bit surprised by the whole experience. After all, you’ve never done it before. Even I, a tremendously neurotic person, knew things would come up that I didn’t expect.”
FAQs
Q: What is the main difference between Emily Oster and other parent whisperers?
A: Emily Oster takes a data-driven approach to decision making, using high-quality studies to inform her recommendations.
Q: What are some of the controversial topics that Emily Oster discusses in her books?
A: Oster discusses topics such as breast feeding, sleep training, toilet training, and whether it’s OK to have an occasional glass of wine while pregnant.
Q: What is the main benefit of Emily Oster’s approach to parenting?
A: Oster’s approach gives parents the confidence to make their own decisions, rather than relying on outdated or unproven advice.
