What is a Rainbow Baby?
A "rainbow baby" is a term used to describe children born after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death, symbolizing "hope, healing, and something beautiful after a dark and turbulent time." The American Pregnancy Association says that rainbow babies are like a rainbow at the end of a storm, representing promise and light.
What are the Misconceptions about a Rainbow Baby?
One of the biggest misconceptions is that parents no longer grieve upon a subsequent healthy pregnancy. Dr. Rayna D. Markin, a clinical psychologist and associate professor of counseling, stated that subsequent pregnancies can re-trigger a person’s attachment to the lost baby and feelings of loss. Markin also noted that it’s common to experience heightened anxiety, likened to a veteran returning from war, seeing danger around every corner.
Why Do Some Parents Reject the Term Rainbow Baby?
Teresa Mendoza, a Washington-based nurse, who had a stillbirth after 24 hours of labor, initially found the storm and rainbow reference too focused on the loss rather than the baby’s real existence. She prefers to think of her children as siblings, without defining one as a "rainbow baby." Meg Konig, a mom in Colorado, also has reservations about the term, feeling that it defines her son’s existence in relation to her previous loss.
How Does it Feel to be Pregnant After Loss?
When Lida Mullarkey became pregnant after two devastating miscarriages, she kept her ultrasounds hidden, fearing that if she shared them, something bad might happen. She struggled to bond with her baby during pregnancy, worried that she could start bleeding at any moment.
How Can You Manage the Stress of Pregnancy After Loss?
Dr. Jessica Zucker, a Los Angeles-based psychologist, recommends support groups and mantra meditations. She suggests repeating the phrase, "At this moment in time, I am pregnant. Everything is OK," to remind herself that the pregnancy is progressing healthily.
What are the Dangers of Reinforcing the Term Rainbow Baby?
Dr. Markin warns that reinforcing the term rainbow baby can lead to glossing over the loss, which can be harmful for those experiencing pregnancy after loss. Instead, friends should acknowledge the previous pregnancy, validating the person’s emotions and experiences.
How Can You Help a Friend Who’s Pregnant After Loss?
Dr. Zucker advises against platitudes like "At least you got pregnant again" or "God has a plan." Instead, she suggests asking, "I’m here for you" or "What is it like to be pregnant after your loss?" This approach acknowledges the person’s previous pregnancy, showing that you are a supportive friend who sticks around through the hard times and celebratory moments.
Conclusion
Pregnancy after loss can be a challenging and emotional experience for many women. While the term "rainbow baby" may offer some comfort, it is essential to acknowledge the complexity and individuality of each person’s journey. By being a supportive and understanding friend, and by avoiding platitudes, we can help women navigate this difficult time with greater ease and sensitivity.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What is a rainbow baby?
A: A rainbow baby is a child born after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death.
Q: What are the misconceptions about a rainbow baby?
A: One major misconception is that parents no longer grieve upon a subsequent healthy pregnancy.
Q: Why do some parents reject the term rainbow baby?
A: Some parents feel that the term focuses too much on the loss rather than the baby’s existence.
Q: How can I manage the stress of pregnancy after loss?
A: Try support groups and mantra meditations, and remind yourself that your pregnancy is progressing healthily.
Q: How can I help a friend who’s pregnant after loss?
A: Avoid platitudes and instead ask, "I’m here for you" or "What is it like to be pregnant after your loss?"
