Losing a Family Pet: A Chance to Teach Children About Death and Grieving

Losing a pet is the first time many children encounter death. The experience can become an opportunity for profound emotional learning and influence how young people understand and process grief when they are adults, according to psychologists and pet bereavement specialists.

The Role of Parents in Helping Children Cope with Pet Loss

Parents and guardians therefore have important roles to play when a family pet dies. Along with helping children accept the painful permanence of death, caregivers can guide kids through a healthy and healing mourning process that provides a foundation for coping with an inevitable part of life. “People are so adverse to talking about death and grief, but it is the one thing that is guaranteed: We are all going to die. We need to be open to talking about that,” said Deirdra Flavin, CEO of the National Alliance for Children’s Grief.

Considering the Unique Needs of Children

Here are some things to consider when talking with children about death and supporting them through pet loss. Meaghan Marr holds the ashes of her previous dog, Jewels, on Thursday, Sept. 25, 2025, in Cartersville, Ga. (AP Photo/Brynn Anderson)

Children Respond to Death in Different Ways

Depending on how old they are and their individual circumstances, children vary in their ability to comprehend the concept of death. The way they process grief, how long they mourn and the impact of the loss is also unique to each child, just as it is for adults. Experts say sadness, anger and other overwhelming emotions associated with grief may be more difficult for younger children to navigate, so having support is crucial. Psychologists and bereavement counselors say some people feel the heartbreak from a pet’s death as intensely as the loss of any other loved one, reflecting the potential depths of human-animal bonds. In the case of children, their relationship with a pet, and whether the death was sudden or not, are other factors that may shape individual responses.

Using Clear Language and Avoiding Euphemisms

Experts say it’s essential to be honest and use clear language when discussing death with children. Adults often are inclined to protect children with euphemisms, such as a pet went to sleep, got lost or was put down. “That can be alarming for children and cause a lot of confusion and fear. So, saying ‘The fish went to sleep’ might create concerns for the child when they are going to sleep,” Flavin said. “Particularly with younger kids because they are so literal in terms of the way that things are expressed to them.” When Leah Motz’s daughter was 2 years old, she told her their 15-year-old dog, Izzy, had a “good life but his body is broken and it won’t be able to fix itself.” Motz recalled that before taking him to be euthanized near their home in Renton, Washington, she further explained they were going to “help Izzy die.”

Supporting Children Through Deep Feelings

Sometimes adults have a hard time recognizing the impact that losing a pet instead of a person might have on children. Colleen Rolland, president of the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement, says child grief tends to be trivialized in general, and that people who are very devoted to their pets can produce as much stigma as sympathy. “But pet loss is a very real form of grief,” she said. Raquel Halfond, a licensed clinical psychologist with the American Psychological Association, says children’s behavior often indicates how they are feeling even if they are not expressing it verbally. “Maybe you notice your child is having more tantrums. Suddenly there’s stuff that they used to love doing, they no longer want to do. Maybe they start to refuse to go to school. It’s really normal to have these for a while,” Halfond said.

It’s OK for Adults to Grieve with Children

Much like they do in other situations or developmental stages, children often learn how to handle grief by watching their caregivers. The way adults respond to loss is likely to set an example for their children. “Parents, or caregivers, must be confident in how they deal with pet loss,” Rolland said, adding that parents who are unfamiliar with grief or display unhealthy behaviors might teach children to act in the same manner. Meaghan Marr looks at photographs of her family’s former pets on Thursday, Sept. 25, 2025, in Cartersville, Ga. (AP Photo/Brynn Anderson) Two of Meaghan Marr’s dogs died in a suburb north of Atlanta, when her two children were young. The first to go, Sadie, had ongoing health issues, so Marr was able to have continuous conversations and prepare her then-7-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter.

Leaving Room for Closure and Lifelong Memories

One way to help children come to terms with the death of a pet is by memorializing the lives of the late companions through activities such as raising money for animals in need, drawing pictures, holding funerals or doing the things their pets loved to do. Before their dog Sadie died, Marr said many of the conversations with her kids centered around how dogs don’t live forever and would one day go to heaven. The difficult part for her was explaining that was true of every pet. “We talked about if they still wanted animals even though they are not going to last as long as we do,” she said. “It hurts to lose them, but they make your life so much better while they are here.” Meaghan and Chris Marr pose with their children and dogs for a photograph on Thursday, Sept. 25, 2025, in Cartersville, Ga. (AP Photo/Brynn Anderson)

Conclusion

Losing a family pet can be a difficult experience for children, but it also provides an opportunity for them to learn about death and grieving. By being open and honest with children, using clear language, and supporting them through their feelings, parents can help their children develop a healthy understanding of death and develop coping mechanisms that will serve them well throughout their lives.

FAQs

Q: How do I explain the death of a pet to my child?
A: It’s essential to be honest and use clear language when discussing death with children. Avoid using euphemisms, and explain the concept of death in a way that your child can understand.
Q: How can I support my child through their grief?
A: Listen to your child, validate their feelings, and provide emotional support. Encourage them to express their emotions, and engage in activities that help them process their grief.
Q: Is it okay for adults to grieve with children?
A: Yes, it’s okay for adults to grieve with children. In fact, it’s essential to model healthy grieving behaviors for your child. By showing your child that it’s okay to express emotions and grieve, you can help them develop a healthy understanding of death and develop coping mechanisms.
Q: How can I help my child come to terms with the death of a pet?
A: One way to help children come to terms with the death of a pet is by memorializing the lives of the late companions through activities such as raising money for animals in need, drawing pictures, holding funerals or doing the things their pets loved to do.
Q: What are some signs that my child may need professional help to cope with their grief?
A: If your child’s emotions or behavior affect their ability to function, it may be time to seek professional help. Some signs to look for include uncharacteristic sadness, tears, anger, and even silence. A child’s emotional response is often independent of their willingness to talk about death.