How Kids are Coping in the Aftermath of the L.A. Fires

No Words to Describe

For the youngest children, who do not yet have the words or emotional development to express their grief, the response to the fires can be more unconscious and physical.

Since they evacuated from the flames, Kyle Massie says, his 5-year-old son at times seems to have “almost reverted back to a toddler.” Their home survived, but the trauma of the day has remained.

A previously talkative child, the boy has started sometimes speaking in a “minion language.” When Massie asks him a question, his son responds several times in gibberish before finally answering in a language his dad can understand.

His son also had a bathroom accident at school for the first time in two years. “I almost feel like there are these unconscious regressions,” Massie said. “He was really shook and upset by it.”

Like There’s a Rock Falling on Me

For older children, processing the trauma of the fires can be much more complex. Colette, 11, lost her home and her pet in the fires. She described the experience as “like there’s a rock falling on me.”

It’s the only thing Colette wants to talk about. Asked about a recent visit to the charred remains of her house, she replied, “The weird thing is, John Snow didn’t survive, but Jon Snow’s ball survived. It had some ash on it. … One of my favorite memories was me jumping on Jon Snow’s back and riding on him in the pool.”

Colette hasn’t been sleeping well recently, her mother, Jinghuan Liu Tervalon, said, and she’s been dozing off in class. Once a social and happy child, Colette has been opting to stay home from school and avoid playing with kids in her new neighborhood.

Compounded Losses

For many children, the loss of a school can also be traumatic. Jon Cross, 8, attended Odyssey North. And although his house still stands, the loss of his school has had a profound effect on his ability to function.

Jon, who has autism and ADHD, is in the second grade but has difficulty learning and reads at a kindergarten level.

He was thriving at Odyssey with the help of a one-on-one aide whom he loved. But after the fire, when the school relocated to a Boys & Girls Club — where his class shares a giant room with several other classes — the environment became too chaotic. He spent six weeks out of school before switching to another elementary school in La Cañada Flintridge.

Guiding Kids Through Grief

Saben Taylor, 5, and his sister, Wawona Hsiao, 3, have been experiencing heightened separation anxiety since their scary midnight evacuation through the smoke. Their Altadena home didn’t burn, but they haven’t been able to move back, and they were displaced from their school.

“Saben has been having a pretty rough time with goodbyes,” said his mother, Linda Hsiao. He now hugs his friends every time he sees them, tells them he loves them and asks, “How many days until I get to see you again.”I can feel his fear of losing his friends and community.”

Wawona has been trying to stick as close as possible to her mother, tapping on her chest for comfort, even though she no longer breastfeeds. She’s also taken to wearing pajamas to school, telling her mother, “I just want to feel cozy.” And since the fire, the whole family is sleeping in one bed.

Conclusion

The traumatic toll of the L.A. fires on the region’s children cannot be underestimated and may portend long-term difficulties, child development experts say.

As parents, it’s crucial to help your children process their trauma and begin to heal. This can be done by allowing them to talk through what happened in an age-appropriate way, reminding them that they are safe and secure with their family now, and rebuilding family routines as much as possible.

FAQs

Q: How can I help my child process their trauma after the fires?

A: Allow your child to talk through what happened in an age-appropriate way, and remind them that they are safe and secure with their family now. Rebuilding family routines as much as possible can also be helpful.

Q: What are some ways to help my child cope with the loss of a school or home?

A: Rebuilding family routines, providing emotional support, and helping your child process their emotions can be helpful. For younger children, encouraging play, art, and storytelling with toys and dolls can be beneficial.

Q: How can I, as a parent, process my own trauma and help my child heal?

A: Scheduling fun events for the family to look forward to together can be healing. It’s also crucial for adults to work through their own traumas, as children take their cues from parents.