Raising Bilingual Children: Lessons Learned from a Personal Journey
The Challenge
Having taught for nearly a decade, I’ve worked through my share of classroom challenges. Nothing, however, prepared me for the toughest one: teaching my own children to speak Russian, my native language, as well as English. They didn’t give a hoot about extra credit or Tootsie Pop bribes. They just weren’t that interested.
The Initial Frustration
When they were babies, I diligently spoke and sang to them in Russian. But once they entered day care, everything changed. A barrier went up practically overnight. I’d pick them up with a jovial "How was your day, my bulochka?" — "bulochka" means "little pastry" — and each toddler, in turn, would hand me their lunchbox, look around to see if anyone was listening and whisper, "Speak English, Mommy!"
The Search for Solutions
Was it because I wasn’t forcing my kids to speak in a certain way, unwilling to subject them to the steamrolling style of my own Soviet education? Was it because their father wasn’t fluent in my language, even though he’d promised to learn it when we were dating? (To be fair, I promised to learn to make Tater Tot casserole and that hasn’t happened either.)
The Realization
I felt lost and alone in my guilt. I wanted to raise my kids to be bilingual not for its cognitive perks — of which there are plenty — but because as an immigrant, I am the last guardian of my family’s tongue, straddling the old world and the new. Without the language and the history it holds, however complicated, I feared my children would never understand a vital part of my identity and theirs, never forge connections with relatives near and far.
The Keys to Success
I started reading, having honest conversations with other immigrant parents, and, most of all, observing. I found that there is no one-size-fits-all magic formula for raising bilingual kids. Children aren’t sponges, absorbing whatever they hear. Teaching a child to speak in a way that deviates from that of the playground, social media, and school takes work and effort. Lots of work and effort. And the results will likely not be perfect. Kids (and adults) are capable of becoming bilingual at any age, but because bilinguals don’t use their languages in the same way and to the same degree, those who achieve truly equal fluency are like unicorns: They are rare.
What Works
First, I noticed that the more my children were exposed to the language at home and outside the home, and the more they needed to use it, the stronger their skills. Our house has turned into a bastion of conversation, books, music, and often ridiculous YouTube videos in my language. Outside our four walls, the key has been interacting with native speakers, such as their immigrant grandparents, babysitters, and saleswomen at a Slavic grocery store where we buy beet salad and chocolate candy. What’s also been helpful is seeking out cultural events and playdates where the little ones can trade silly jokes and Pokémon cards in Russian, making it seem less outlandish and weird.
What Doesn’t Work
What I can say for sure hasn’t worked is well-meaning advice and rigid rules. Pretend you’re deaf to English, some people suggested, that will teach ’em! Send ’em abroad to live with relatives for the summer! Divvy up the languages with the other parent and never deviate. The latter is called the "one parent, one language" method, or OPOL, and this approach has many adherents. But it isn’t realistic for my family.
Conclusion
I’ve realized that giving myself and my children credit for celebrating small wins rather than agonizing over milestones not yet met is half the battle. With my children now in elementary school, I marvel at the roots taking hold, and at how much they’ve already learned, instead of getting bogged down by perfection.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What is the key to raising bilingual children?
A: Exposing them to the language at home and outside the home, and encouraging them to use it frequently.
Q: What are some common mistakes to avoid?
A: Forcing them to speak in a certain way, using rigid rules, and neglecting to provide high-quality and high-quantity exposure to the language.
Q: What is the "one parent, one language" method?
A: A method where one parent speaks only in one language, and the other parent speaks only in the other language. It may not be realistic for all families.
Q: How can I, as a parent, deal with the guilt of not being able to raise my children as bilingual as I’d like?
A: By focusing on celebrating small wins, giving yourself and your children credit for the progress made, and recognizing that bilingualism is a journey, not a destination.
