Warning: The following contains spoilers from the movie “Babygirl.”
The Reality of Sex in Film
“Babygirl” opens on a breathy Romy (Nicole Kidman) riding her husband (Antonio Banderas), culminating in what appears to be a classic, movie-magical, simultaneous orgasm. For someone watching the film with an eye to its accuracy about sex, this was an effective misdirection: Only 10% to 20% of people with female anatomy can climax this way. I didn’t yet know whether it was the movie or the character that was lying.
The Complexity of Sexuality
Writer/director Halina Reijn immediately resolves any uncertainty: Once her husband drifts off, Romy sneaks into the other room, lies on her stomach with her hands between her legs and finishes to a video clip with subtle Dom/Sub dialogue. Our protagonist isn’t entirely sexually naive, though she’s clearly unsatisfied.
Dubious Consent
“Babygirl” follows Romy, a high-powered executive who begins an affair with Samuel (Harris Dickinson), her much younger intern — in which he takes on a dominant role, unlocking her submissive urges. And as part of its exploration of the pair’s fraught power dynamic, the film heavily features a popular erotic trope: dubious consent.
Understanding Consent
Dubious consent refers to scenarios where a character’s agreement to engage in sexual activity is unclear, coerced, or given under conditions that erode their genuine, freely given consent. Power imbalance, psychological manipulation, and/or infidelity are commonly at play. When it’s done well, it’s incredibly evocative.
The Power of Submission
The film also understands the power of unlocking such a dynamic, without being gratuitous about the visual details. It doesn’t need to, as Romy’s low, primal, guttural moan at the climax of the sequence says plenty. This experience is new, and it is earth-shattering. She melts into tears, and we witness a moment resembling aftercare (though the characters lack the vocabulary to call it that). Dickinson holds Kidman as she weeps, providing a much-needed safe space.
The Limitations of Power Dynamics
As the affair spirals and the power dynamics of Romy and Samuel’s sexual relationship spill into other parts of the characters’ lives, “Babygirl’s” handling of sex might give one pause. When Romy confesses her affair to her husband, obscuring the details, she pathologizes her kink with lines like: “I want to be normal,” and “I’ve tried all this therapy…” For a moment, I worried about the implication that there is a causal relationship between trauma and kink. To clarify: While safe kinky play is an excellent forum for navigating and even healing trauma, it’s a harmful stereotype to assume that only “broken” people are drawn to kink.
Conclusion
By the film’s end, it becomes clear that Romy’s harmful attitude toward her kink led to her infidelity. Through the crisis of “Babygirl,” though, she learns to embrace her desires: Unlike Nora in “A Doll’s House” or the title character of “Hedda Gabler” (both subtly referenced in the film), she repairs her marriage and decides to stay, but not by suppressing her forbidden fantasies.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What is dubious consent?
A: Dubious consent refers to scenarios where a character’s agreement to engage in sexual activity is unclear, coerced, or given under conditions that erode their genuine, freely given consent.
Q: What is the importance of safe words in BDSM?
A: In ethical BDSM practice, clear conversations about boundaries, triggers, and safe words are required before engaging in any activity.
Q: Can you experience trauma and not be drawn to kink?
A: Yes, while safe kinky play can be an excellent forum for navigating and even healing trauma, it’s a harmful stereotype to assume that only “broken” people are drawn to kink.
