Introduction to the Debate
For much of the past century, children were taught to push through emotional discomfort. Feeling sad, anxious, or overwhelmed was often dismissed with a familiar refrain: smile, toughen up, move on. In recent years, however, schools have made a long-overdue correction. Social-emotional learning has been woven into classrooms, and mental health is discussed openly. Students are encouraged to name their feelings and ask for help.
The Shift in Approach
Few educators or parents would argue that this shift has been anything but necessary. But some are beginning to ask whether the pendulum has swung too far. Samantha Jo Payne, a former teacher in southern Indiana, believes the answer may be yes. In a viral TikTok video, she argues that the growing use of mental health days is quietly changing how kids understand responsibility, attendance and resilience.
Concerns from a Teacher’s Perspective
In an interview with TODAY.com, Payne, 26, said her concerns grew out of what she saw daily. She described eighth graders missing one or two days a week and struggling academically as a result. “There were times a student would be out sick, and when they returned, I’d say, ‘I hope you feel better,’ only to hear, ‘Oh, I’m fine. I just didn’t feel like coming, and my mom said I could stay home,’” Payne recalls. She said she also saw students stay home to avoid drama with friends or other social stressors. Framing everyday challenges as a reason to skip school, she argues, teaches avoidance instead of coping. “I feel like people are avoiding hard things,” Payne says, adding that not every stressful moment should be treated as a mental health crisis.
The Importance of Attendance and Resilience
“School is their job,” Payne tells TODAY, “so you don’t have days where you just don’t get to come because you’re a little tired.’” Payne’s comments struck a nerve, quickly igniting a divided response online. "As an adult with an anxiety disorder, allowing students to successfully avoid whenever their anxiety is bad enough is SO HARMFUL for their mental health!" one viewer wrote. Another pushed back on Payne, writing, "I’m sorry but I don’t take advice on this from anyone who hasn’t also had to hospitalize their kid before. legitimate mental health struggles are scary, and we do what we can to balance priorities."
Expert Insight
Dr. Deborah Gilboa, a family physician and resilience expert, says the debate isn’t a choice between compassion and toughness — but parental judgment. “Sometimes kids genuinely need rest and recovery for mental distress,” Gilboa tells TODAY. “And sometimes what they need is to build perseverance and resilience by pushing through it.” Determining which response is appropriate, she says, is one of parenting’s harder calls, and one parents won’t always get right.
Preparation for the Future
Gilboa also frames the issue as one of preparation. School, she points out, is one of the first places children learn how to manage obligations, discomfort, and expectations. Helping young people learn when to rest and when to show up, is part of preparing them to function independently in the future. While Gilboa agrees with Payne’s broader warning about avoidance, she says one aspect of the video gave her pause. She worries that drawing a sharp distinction between physical illness and mental distress could be interpreted as minimizing mental health conditions. (Payne says in her TikTok that kids who are running a fever or throwing up, should stay home, but that minor complaints aren’t a valid reason to skip school).
Balancing Physical and Mental Health
“I’d want to be careful about the idea that physical illness is always valid and mental illness is not,” Gilboa says. “Mental distress and mental illness are very real and they deserve to be taken seriously.”
Conclusion
The debate surrounding mental health days and their impact on students’ understanding of responsibility, attendance, and resilience is complex. It requires a nuanced approach that balances compassion with the need to build perseverance and resilience. By considering the perspectives of both teachers and experts, we can work towards creating a supportive environment that acknowledges the importance of mental health while also preparing students for the challenges of the future.
FAQs
- Q: What is the main concern of Samantha Jo Payne regarding mental health days?
A: Payne is concerned that the growing use of mental health days is teaching avoidance instead of coping and may be changing how kids understand responsibility, attendance, and resilience. - Q: What does Dr. Deborah Gilboa say about the debate?
A: Dr. Gilboa says the debate isn’t a choice between compassion and toughness — but parental judgment, and that sometimes kids genuinely need rest and recovery for mental distress, while other times they need to build perseverance and resilience by pushing through it. - Q: How does Gilboa frame the issue of mental health days?
A: Gilboa frames the issue as one of preparation, stating that school is one of the first places children learn how to manage obligations, discomfort, and expectations, and that helping young people learn when to rest and when to show up is part of preparing them to function independently in the future.
