Older men, even more than older women, need to make connections, experts say
Men tend to have fewer friends and be less inclined to make new friends, which can make it more challenging to navigate the challenges of growing older. Research suggests that this lack of social connection can be detrimental to their health and well-being.
According to the 2022 Census Bureau data, more than one in five men between the ages of 65 and 74 live alone, a number that rises to nearly one in four for those 75 or older. This increase is attributed to longer lifespans and rising divorce rates.
The impact on men’s health can be severe, with men experiencing a greater decline in health and well-being after the loss of a spouse compared to women. Dr. Robert Waldinger, a psychiatrist who directs the Harvard Study of Adult Development, notes that men who don’t have meaningful friendships and activities to engage in are more likely to experience a decline in their health.
Dr. Paul Rousseau, a 73-year-old physician from South Carolina, knows this all too well. After his wife’s death, he felt lost and alone, struggling to find purpose without his partner. He eventually moved to Jackson, Wyoming, where he found solace in the beauty of nature and has recently written about his experience in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society.
"I was a somewhat distinguished physician with a 60-page resume. Now, I’m ‘no one,’ a retired, forgotten old man who dithers away the days," he wrote.
The transition from being coupled to being single can be disorienting for older men. Dr. Lodovico Balducci, 80, a renowned physician, likened his wife’s death to an "amputation." He struggles to find people to confide in, saying, "Maybe I don’t have any close friends."
For Verne Ostrander, a 79-year-old carpenter in California, his wife’s death from cancer four years ago left him feeling alone. He finds comfort in his hobbies, painting watercolors, composing music, and playing guitar, and is grateful for his close relationships with his adult children, who live nearby.
For the Rev. Johnny Walker, 76, living alone in a low-income apartment in Chicago, his faith and church community provide a sense of connection. He credits his religious conversion in 1993 with helping him find meaning and purpose.
Experts recommend that men make an effort every day to be in touch with people, pursue their passions, and put themselves in situations where they can meet and build connections with others. Dr. Waldinger notes, "Put yourself in a situation where you’re going to see the same people over and over again. Because that’s the most natural way conversations get struck up and friendships start to develop."
Conclusion
As the population of older men living alone continues to grow, it’s crucial that we recognize the importance of social connection in maintaining their health and well-being. By making an effort to build and maintain meaningful relationships, pursue their passions, and find ways to engage with others, older men can thrive in their golden years.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q: What are the challenges faced by older men living alone?
A: Older men, compared to older women, tend to have fewer friends and be less inclined to make new friends, which can lead to feelings of isolation and disconnection.
Q: Why do older men struggle with social connection?
A: Older men often retire earlier than women, which can lead to a lack of social interaction and a sense of purpose.
Q: How can older men build and maintain meaningful relationships?
A: By pursuing their passions, putting themselves in situations where they can meet and build connections with others, and making an effort to communicate with friends and family regularly.
Q: What are some ways older men can find purpose and meaning after the loss of a spouse?
A: By finding solace in faith, nature, hobbies, or other sources of comfort, and by re-evaluating their priorities and goals to find new meaning and purpose.
